There's no actual salt water in Salt Water Taffy, so let's just be honest. 

The name is a reference to where it is SOLD, not how it is MADE.

I don't live near the Sea, so I won't be vending lies!

My sole hope is that we don't steal too much business from Municipal Water Taffy, Grey Water Taffy, or Well Water Taffy - as all are great competitors with quality products.

Chocolate - Tastes just like chocolate taffy.  A bit firm for my jaws.

Mango - Man, go to hell if you think this doesn't taste Ed Zachary like fresh mango.

Banana - This is also firm but tastes much like a just over-ripe banana - good as all get out.

Blueberry - A grower, not a show-er...the flavor starts exceedingly mild but blooms on the tongue.

Vanilla -Flecks of vanilla bean show that this is the realz chewy marshmallow-y ice-cream.

Raspberry - Softest of them all (I can relate), and the most sparkling with sabor! Better than the fruit.

100% Natural Flavors (probably still mass produced in a factory in NJ - but I'm buying from a vendor, so still looking into that)

Whipping and 24-hour Batch Conditioning (sounds harsh, but they get results)

Real Fruit Puree (nothing snarky here, it tastes wicked good hey)

I'm busy running a fake coconut shipping business, so I'm not also going to pull sugar to make my own taffy, instead I'm buying it in bulk from a devoted taffy maker in Utah, where people love taffy, they're daffy for taffy over in there.

Reach out if you want taffy.

SALES PITCH

I am a performance artist of sort, with a focus on absurdity.

My most recent work is called Tap Water Taffy. It's a candy company that only quasi-exists...

The candy is real, but the entire experience is intended to be awkward and a bit off-putting.

I will set up a 10x10 booth at a Festival (4th of July if time) or Farmers Market and sell my product in the front, while presenting the "back of the store" as an intellectual speakeasy with social issues posters, merchandise, and bric-a-brac from my other fake company We Mail Coconuts.

To get a general sense of the vision, you can also see the following sites:

wemailcoconuts.com

meowwolf.com

factoryobscura.com

The "customer" is surprised to find that instead of shopping for candy, they may be engaged in a conversation about immigration, free trade, the Supreme Court or something else wildly unexpected.

They walk in thinking of themselves as consumers and leave as questioners of capitalism.

With $1,000 I would buy and decorate my 10x10 booth and pay vendor fees at the event(s) that we'd attend.

We would use any remaining funds to purchase the candy:

https://www.taffytown.com/collections/simply-taffy

If any revenue is generated from any sales, candy or otherwise, it would be re-invested into this project going on to other cities, towns, farmers markets, etc.